1. It’s gettin’ hard out there for an Heiress:  Three 6 Mafia is reportedly recording with Paris Hilton.  Paris Hilton also up for a movie role as Mother Teresa (see number six).  No comments on what role she’s better suited for…
2. Someone recently called me a “Communist” because I don’t watch American Idol.  I think that was pretty harsh.  It’s not that I don’t like Idol.  It’s just that I’m so busy building statues of Lenin and organizing worker’s rallies and whatnot.  Thank goodness they watched so I didn’t have to.  I don’t want to give it away, but there was a big surprise on this show.  Apparently one of the karaoke singers was voted off!
3. Britney Sues: It’s getting hard out there for a South Korean pop star.  Well, at least for one who allegedly “partially plagiarized” a Britney Spears song that I’ve never heard.
4. Britney Gets Sued: In the same story, Britney getting sued for allegedly not paying people who worked for her.  That’s boring.
5. What’s not Boring:  The alleged sex tape case for Britney and Kevin is still on hold.  It seems that such a tape is mandatory publicity for any non-A-List or faded star.  Sigh.
6. People who understand this show are too busy having a life to sit around watching television: Arrested Development may be gone forever.

1. Someone allegedly has one of the photo albums Paris left behind in a storage facility up for sale on eBay.  Bid as of writing this: $200.  I’m not sure how many copies of One Night in Paris that translates to.  Auction ends at Mar-19-06 20:22:35 PST.
2. She’s trying to get a $10 million lawsuit dropped, by taking the plantiff to dinner?
3. Not only was Paris banned from the Vanity Fair party, she’s been banned from future Elton John parties.  She wasn’t banned for wild behavior, though.  She allegedly didn’t make a donation to Elton’s charity.
4. People pay more attention to what you’re doing if you mention her:  Paris Hilton isn’t banned from The Simpsons, where she will voice a character in an upcoming episode.  That makes her about the one millionth celebrity to appear on the show.
5. Does that cast come in pink?  Paris Hilton has a broken toe? 
6. Shameless self promotion: Celebrity Wonk has a Paris Hilton Photo Gallery.

1. Get in the (fashion) line: The lesser Hilton unveils a fashion line along with other celebs, including the white trash-tastic Jaime Pressly. I’d tell you what other celebs had clothing lines, but they’d just bore you. After all, Nicky reportedly had models dancing to “Toni Basil’s ’80s hit ‘Mickey,’ changed to ‘Oh Nicky.’” You just can’t beat marketing skills like that.
2. Why I’m going to run for office: New Mexico govenor dines with Jessica Simpson.
3. Not funny: Sheryl Crow is fighting cancer, and it looks like she’s winning. Lance Armstrong, no stranger to Crow or cancer speaks to Star Magazine on the subject.
4. Try as they might, TomKat can’t break free of rumors.
5. Carmen Electra, opera fan?

6. You can’t make this stuff up: Looks like the previous rumors are true. Paris Hilton will have to live the ‘Simple Life’ as she readies herself for the role of her life: Mother Teresa.

Photo provided by Photorazzi.

1. I Ain’t callin’ him a gold digga: Nick (the former Mr. Simpson) Lachey is “reserving the right to seek spousal support“. As if we didn’t know who wore the pants in the family.
2. Speaking of male gold diggers, Kevin Federline’s “rap” debut is worthy of a Newsweek article. It probably was his white-boy-from-Fresno cred, not his marriage that got him the article.
3. Things that make you go “Ewwww!” Scott Stapp and Kid Rock are apparently in some sex tape or another. I guess it has the allure of watching a car wreck.
4. An actor had drug problems. That’s worth talking about on 60 Minutes.
5. Things straight men can’t do: Isaac Mizrahi defends acting like a drunken frat-boy on the red carpet.
6. Oh, yea. Normally this blog steers away from politics. Not enough beautiful people you know. But when Dick Cheney becomes the second sitting VP to shoot someone, something has to be said.

1. Off The Market:  Like you had a shot at Neve Campbell anyway.
2. You might be a redneck: Britney admits driving with a kid in your lap ain’t none too bright.
3. Farewell, Tom Willis:  Actor who played Jefferson’s neighbor dies.
4. Because people can’t stop talking about her: Angelina Rumors
5. The Perfect Couple?  Forget the whole Jennifer Aniston part, Angelina and Brad are as good as it gets.
6. He loves Angelina dearly? Too bad, Collin, she’s taken.

1. It was rumored that Kanye West would be very upset if he lost Album of the Year. If he was, he sure hid it well at his after party.
2. In case you were living under a rock, here’s the official scoop.
3. Kelly Clarkson wisely avoided mentioning the I-word. Her fifteen minutes is long over, but she keeps going. She’s arguably the single biggest “reality” TV success ever.
4. People wore clothing to an award show. This is big news.
5. Inexperienced Parent or Redneck with money? You decide.
6. Finally, no one can get enough of Angelina Jolie.

1. Can’t we all just get along?  Busta Rhymes Bodyguard Killed During Video Shoot.
2. Fairly Vain: Knightley and Johansson bare it all for VanityFair.  Rachel McAdams backed out.  Surely it was tastefully done.
3. It’s only news because David Letterman did it: Big Ben Gets a Shave.
4. From JeNick to NickEl?  Miss Kentucky talks about Nick Lachey.  Undoubtedly, he’s drawn to her for her brains.  And visa versa.
5. Because you can’t go another day without hearing about Angelina and Brad.  Is having a fight before a wedding news for anyone else?
6. Is this even news? Simon Cowell is Mean.

1. Lance Armstrong and Sheryl Crow - splitsville.
2. Courtney Love - Clean and Sober?
3. No Satisfaction: Not even Mick Jagger can escape NFL censors.
4. P. Diddy sports gay gangsta getup?
5. Modeling Reality: More skinny girls vie for 15 minutes.
6. Grandpa Munster Al Lewis dies.