Why Jessica Alba Shouldn’t Host the MTV Movie Awards

This just in: Jessica Alba has been chosen to host the MTV Movie Awards.  This is a strange precedent to say the least.  She’s hardly the typical host, and I’m pretty certain she will do a terrible job.  Here’s why:

1. She isn’t funny - leave this job to the Billy Crystals and Ellens of the world - or whatever the MTV equivalent is.  A host has to be funny, often at the expense of some pretty big egos - egos that happen to be sitting in the front row.  A good comedian can pull this off, but I can just picture the groans when Alba starts poking fun at another actress.
2. She’s lacking in stage experience - Whoever hosts an award show usually has pretty strong stage experience.  I’m not thinking Alba does, because she started on the small screen as Dark Angel when she was pretty young.  It can call for comedy as well as newscaster-style announcing in front of an audience.  I can just hear the stumbling and akward silences now.
3. She’s distracting - Comedians and hosts are often goofy looking.  Jessica Alba isn’t.  Part of the idea is to lure in that lucrative young male demographic.  But you have to do something with those viewers once they are there.  Besides, building something around nothing but Alba’s looks was the point behind Into The Blue, which didn’t exactly break records at the box office.
4. She isn’t memorable - There.  I said it.  As bad as David Letterman’s hosting performance was, people still remember it.  Which is a sad irony, because buzz is likely the one thing MTV hopes to generate with this hosting assignment.  Try to remember one part of Fantastic Four that involved Alba not taking her clothes off.

I don’t want to be all negative about this.  Maybe the hosting slot will go great.  People will be wondering who the next hottie host will be.  I can just picture it now: The 2010 Emmy Awards, with your hosts, Gisele Bundchen and Heidi Klum.  Special Musical Guest: Shakira.

It could be worse.