Real celebrities are born in the theater. It doesn’t matter if it’s Angelina Jolie or Greta Garbo, those who find fame on the big screen are larger than life. Think about it. People knew who George Clooney was from ER, but it wasn’t until his movies captured our attention that he became a star. There just aren’t any A-Listers who are exclusive to the small screen.
Yet theaters are losing more and more viewers. At the Oscars, DVDs were dissed, and there’s a general sense of panic in the air in Hollywood. If studio owners are serious about getting me out to the theater more often, here are a few things that might help…
What would bring people back:
- Popcorn that doesn’t suck - It’s bad enough to shell out more than my ticket price on popcorn, it’s unbearable to shell it out on popcorn that tastes like salted styrofoam. I have this feeling that a small amount of motivation could get theater owners to come up with something better that won’t cost them much more to produce. Rising DVD sales and falling ticket sales might do the trick.
- Ban children under 13 from R films and children under 8 from PG-13 films - This isn’t a cry to protect the children. It’s to protect my ears from the cries of the children. I can’t believe the number of people who bring very small children into very adult movies. The result is bored, tired and even scared children who make the rest of us contemplate putting in a home theater.
- Better screens - At a nearby theater, I stood in the concession line waiting for my turn. Rather than dumping money into something that would provide faster concession service, the theater put a series of giant plasma screen monitors up to show ads. As I walked back to my movie - showing on one of the smaller screens - I estimated the tens of thousands of dollars the theater spent on those many screens. What if they had spent it on a screen that wasn’t rivaled by my friends projection TV instead?
I’ll give theaters some credit here. They have introduced bigger screens, but only for a couple of theaters in the megaplex. It’s time to move the technology all the way to theater 24. - Stop making crappy films - There, I said it. There’s just too much uninventive fare out there. A friend of mine (who happens to be a director) said that movies are becoming commercials for the DVD. That’s quite the opposite of the passionate plea I heard at the Oscars, but it seems to be the reality far too often. Here’s a hint to studio owners: I’m not paying $8.50 to watch a commercial, and I’m sure not going to pay $14.99 to buy a DVD of one.
It used to be that people would say “I’ll get the rental/DVD/PPV” about a marginal movie. I’ve started noticing myself saying that, then not mustering the energy to watch it at home either. A crappy movie isn’t going to look any better on television.
That might be only a few steps, but ones that I think could be helpful in bringing people back. And they won’t be easy to implement. Not because they’re hard, but because they will require inventive and bold actions on the part of studios and theaters. I’m not holding my breath. Now if you will excuse me, I have to go back to looking at HDTV ads.