Early spring is a wonderful time of year. The snow is melting, flowers are starting to bloom, ten-thousand dollar designer dresses are being sewn and limos are getting detailed. That’s right, it’s not only the time when the entire Northern Hemisphere awakens in a annual celebration of life, it’s Oscar time, baby.
Not to be outdone by major newspapers with reporters who have actually seen the films, Celebrity Wonk is giving you predictions on who the awards will go to. I don’t want th is to go on like an awards show, so here’s the picks:
Best Actor: Philip Seymour Hoffman in “Capote” This will be the gayest awards ever, but not just because of Brokeback Mountain. Hoffman will show that one gay writer can beat two gay coeboys. And, yes, Terrence Howard was great in “Hustle & Flow,” but do you really think something produced by MTV Films is going to win?
Best Supporting Actor: Jake Gyllenhaal in “Brokeback Mountain” Repeat after me: “Gayest. Awards Show. Ever.” Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Best Actress: Felicity Huffman in “Transamerica” See above. Also Dench has won before. Theron turning ugly is a trick that worked once, Knightley is too young and Witherspoon, well, I just can’t get “Legally Blonde 2″ out of my head. And that’s not a good thing.
Supporting Actress: Catherine Keener in “Capote” You really didn’t think the girl from “Dawson’s Creek” and “Nixon” would win, did you?
Animated film: “Wallace & Gromit in the Curse of the Were-Rabbit” Well deserved.
Cinematography: “Memoirs of a Geisha” Well, the trailers looked good.
Costume Design: “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” A Depp-less award show? I think not!
Directing: “Brokeback Mountain” Lee atones for “The Hulk”
Documentary: “Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room” No, I haven’t seen it. But anything that makes sport of corporate america is going to win, penguins or no penguins.
Music: “Travelin’ Thru” from “Transamerica”
Best Picture: “Brokeback Mountain” Sure, maybe “Capote” or “Walk” should win. But these are the same people that picked “Shakespeare in Love” over “Saving Private Ryan”
Sound Editing: I’ll be honest with you, I’m skipping awards that I’n not interested in. I have no idea why this one interestes me, other than the fact that I think “War of the Worlds” deserves some kind of award for scaring the crap out of me.
Visual Efects: “King Kong” For making a giant gorilla and a dinosaur fight over Naomi Watts like two toddlers fighting over a Barbie doll. Also, it shows a small amount of respect to Peter Jackson, who poured himself into the project.
Adapted Screenplay: “Brokeback Mountain”
Original Screenplay: “Crash” Woody will lose out with a movie that just didn’t press enough hot buttons.
Well, there it is, the awards that matter presented to you with no warranty expressed or implied. Print out the list and keep it close by during the show, and here’s hoping you stay awake until the end.