The news is out: Jessica Alba has posed for Playboy. This isn’t just big news in the places you would expect it. Oh, no. The Jessica Alba in Playboy story has made the news all the way to India. Not once, not twice, but at least three times. Good grief. Celebrity news is getting outsourced faster than a call center. But that’s not the real story here.
The cruel news is that Jessica ain’t gettin’ naked. But you likely already knew that. The simple fact is that she doesn’t have to. Playboy is like Las Vegas. It’s for people who have past their prime and those who are just starting out. Except that Playboy isn’t going to build you a huge arena and give you a fat contract like Ceasars Palace did with Celine what’s-her-face.
That isn’t to say that men aren’t going to rush out to buy the Maxim-esque photos of her. Hef realizes she can sell more copies of a magazine with her clothes on that other women can naked. Her beauty was the sole reason for the crappy film Into the Blue was even made, and likely the sole reason it sold the few tickets it did.
Speaking of Into the Blue, another Indian web site reports that her co-star, Paul Walker wants to have “angry sex” with her. That’s just disturbing. I’m sure all those men in line for her latest cover photo would be anything but “angry” if they were to hook up with her.